Over the years my family have given me some pretty weird advice and coaching. I'm sure many of you have received the same advice from your own parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles... anyone who is feeling particularly full of wisdom when you happen to be nearby.
But I've been thinking a bit about the weird things we tell people, particularly children. As I remember all these interesting little tidbits of "knowledge" my family have given me I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous they are. So I have decided to pass on some of my wisdom to all of you lucky sods. I think you will come out the other side having learnt... something.
"Eat your crusts or you won't get curly hair." My Nana used to tell me this almost every day. I used to tell her almost every day that I didn't actually want curly hair. Turns out that if you gobble them down anyway because of the look you just got your hair will remain to be poker straight. Weird.
"Eat those carrots and you'll be able to see in the dark." Another Nana classic. The sad thing with this one is that my reaction was more along the lines of "Holy mother of vegetables! Super powers at last!" and I ate every single one. And then I did get a super power. The power of being super disappointed.
"You have to wear matching underwear in case you get run over." A gem from Mum. Apparently if I ever get taken into hospital with limbs hanging off, blood spurting out all over the place and half my face left on the pavement I will be all shades of mortified if I'm wearing pink knickers and a blue bra. It gets better. Once, while discussing this with my mother she told me she would be embarrassed to identify me if my underwear wasn't matching. I quote: "No, she can't be mine. MY daughter wouldn't do that." I can only hope she was joking.
"Never wear somebody else's pants. That is just minging." Mum's advice seems to be underwear related. This was made in reference to finding used underwear for sale in a charity shop, but was then extended to be a general rule. And you know what? I actually agree with this one. You don't know where that has been. Or more to the point you do know, and thats worse.
"Ach, don't take your car to Kwik Fit. They'll look at you and think you're, you know, silly. Take it to Sandy. He's no daft." I'm sure this sounded better in my Popa's head. I do take my car to Sandy, as he is indeed 'no daft'. I do also think that Kwik Fit will think I'm a silly girly type and charge me for all kinds of gubbins. All in all sound advice, but its all in the delivery, isn't it?