Sunday, 21 June 2015

The One When My Father Got Arrested.

Here is a lovely Father's Day story for you all to enjoy. It rather fittingly takes place when I was born.

Meet our hero, Nick.

We join him one January night in 1989, walking home from the hospital where his wife and newborn daughter are. The streets he is walking down are paved with gold, whether from the sun setting over the Edinburgh skyline or from the glow in this happy man's heart, no one will know.

Looking up, he sees the sinking sun over the castle. This he wants to capture forever. This moment. This feeling. Luckily he has his camera in his bag. Fantastic.

He starts to line up the shot. Not quite right. Hmm. I'll try over here. No, still not right. Could do with being higher. Oh look, this building has scaffolding. That would be perfect for this photo. Yeah, I could make it up there. Great idea. So, securing his bag around him, he climbs. Two floors up he stops. The view is wonderful. Out comes the camera again, and he settles in to capture the scene.

Meanwhile, a curtain twitcher across the street has been watching a man walk up the street, stopping every so often outside buildings, then pick one, and climb up to a window in darkness. The man disappears in shadow outside the window. The curtain twitcher phones the police.

The station only being round the corner, the two policemen are there in minutes.

"Excuse me" comes the call from the street.

"Yes?" replies the voice from above.

"Would you come down here sir?"

"Hang on a minute, I'm not done". Completely unaware of his new status as a burglar, our hero wants to finish taking his photos. He does so, packs up his camera, and climbs down to the two, increasingly annoyed police officers.

"Hello," he says.

As they begin to grill him on who he is, what he was doing up there, and other pertinent questions, he starts to realise he might be in some sort of trouble here.

"What is in the bag sir?"

Uh oh. He thinks to the woman's clothing in the bottom of the bag, stained and a little bloody from waiting till the very last minute before going to the hospital. Oh dear.

"You probably don't want to look in there. I can explain." As soon as he says it he knows that he's really gone and done it now. There is no easy way back from this.

Before long he is in a police station, feeling a little like he'll never see another sunset ever again. He is also wondering what he is going to say to his wife in his one phonecall about why he might not be there to pick his new family up from the hospital the next day. Luckily it doesn't come to that, as sometime between then and the morning his story is verified. Grudgingly he was let go by the cops who probably had thought they had stumbled onto the case that would have made their careers.

Luck was on his side once again when his wife didn't notice that he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday when he turned up at the hospital. As if nothing had happened, he took them home.

A week later, he comes through to the living room and hands his wife a cup of tea.

"So," he says, "funny story..."

Sunday, 14 June 2015


I am noticing a trend in myself in regards to the TV and films I watch, and in the books I read. I always fall in love with the nerds. What can I say? Smart people make me happy. So here I have compiled a list of folk that have made me air-punch with joy at least once.

Data - Star Trek TNG
He's not just a freaking cool android, he's a freaking cool android that loves his kitty.

Hermione Granger - Harry Potter Series
Hermione is bad-ass. There's no other way round it. Clever, intuitive and strong. The first time I ever cheered out loud while reading a book was when she punched Draco Malfoy. What really gets me about her is how resilient she is. All the she goes through with her parents in the latter part of the story to keep them safe, and she never lets on. Quite honestly she makes Harry's stomping, shouting and grumping look like a whiny bitch. And her face right at the end when she says "I'll go with you". Geez.

Giles - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Every single time it looks like Giles was going to die in that show (which was surprisingly often) I could feel myself pouting at the screen. He is almost too knowledgable to communicate, but he tries his hardest. In his polite, professor-ish sort of way. Every library should have a Giles. Particularly because sometimes he just can't hold himself back...

Neal Caffrey - White Collar
This one sort of surprised me. At first look he's the frustratingly handsome but typically mainstream male protagonist. And then he breaks out all this passion for art and the history surrounding it and I sat back and went "Huh". Then I realised everything he does is part of some well thought out long term plan. This guy has the smarts. So Neal Caffrey is my nomination for secret, hidden nerd.

Charlie Bradbury - Supernatural
Because a) Felicia Day and b) Felicia Day.

Daniel Jackson - Stargate SG-1
With this one comes my confession that terrible sci-fi makes me happy. Deal with it. What I like about this guy is not only does he possess the major smarts, but he is ethically intelligent too. He seems to be the only one in the show that reminds them all that there's more to Earth than America, and that there's more to exploration than technological and military gain.

Penelope Garcia - Criminal Minds
All hail Garcie, Queen of the Geeks. I love her. I am so glad women like her are represented on tv. Her world is bright colours, awesome shiny things and good people. And Doctor Who. I've said it before and I'll say it again; Penelope Garcia is my spirit animal.

Surprised someone wasn't included? Who would you add?

Saturday, 13 June 2015

The Hobbit Hair: An Unexpected Journey.

For anyone that missed the news, I got all my hair cut off. I went from this:


To this: 


I was so done with having long hair. It seemed to take so much time! Washing it, drying it, working out what to do with it, then trying to do that with it. I really wanted something that was much less effort. That was my only criteria. I wasn't expecting it to be quite the learning experience it has been though.

Here are some things I have encountered on my journey:

* It is cheaper. I am no longer burning through hair bobbles. I am using less shampoo. This is very much ok with me.

* It dries amazingly fast. This is a bit of a novelty as my long hair could take all day to dry out completely.

* I am having far too much fun in front of the mirror just brushing it different ways to see what it does.

* On a related note, it is fun to see how easily I can turn myself into one of the Beatles, a five year old boy on picture day, Peter Pan, 1960's Twiggy, Liza Minnelli (brown points), Charlie Chaplin...

* I have discovered I have about one minute, maybe two, to brush my hair after I've washed it. Otherwise it points wherever it damn well pleases until I wash it again.

* I now have need for a comb in my life.

* I went outside in the wind and didn't end up eating half my hair.

* Hair gel is a confusing substance. Need for further study.

* All my earrings look fantastic. It's like an art gallery for my ears.

* I don't get my hair tangled in anything anymore. Earrings, necklaces, clothing, bra straps, scarves, hairbrushes... Being a girly girl just got so much easier.

* I have an easy way of telling who the painfully unobservant people in my life are. One person in particular has been particularly stunning at this.

* There is no hair in my lip gloss. There is no lip gloss in my hair. Those of you who have experienced this curse on your lovely day will know the wonder of which I speak.

* I am experiencing bed head like never before. Seriously, it is amazing.

* And lastly, that it loses all grasp on gravity when it has been towel dried.