Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Your fears.

I'm starting with a disclaimer. My fears are silly.

This is mainly because for the most part I'm afraid of being afraid. When I'm watching a horror film (very rare) I freak myself out so easily. I know the scary bit is coming - those films are so predictable - and because of that I end up anticipating the fear. I get scared because I know I'm about to be scared. This applies to just about everything. I get afraid something to be afraid of will materialise. I get scared that something scary might happen. I am not actually scared of the actual things. I think I'm more afraid of something so scary I haven't even thought of it. It is the one curse of having a great imagination.

I have others that border on the absolutely ridiculous.

I am quite frightened to run over something. I wouldn't know what to do. Not a person, but maybe a bird or something similar. If I ran over a bird and it was lying there dying slowly and painfully I couldn't handle that. I wouldn't be able to bring myself to put it out of it's misery, but I couldn't bear it being in pain like that. On the plus side it makes me a super careful driver around animals.

Wasps, bees and general buzzing things with stingers. Do. Not. Like. I've been stung in possibly all the most painful places on your body to be stung and quite simply I would like to avoid this happening ever again. Ever.

Heights... but not in the way most people are afraid of heights. For most, there seems to be a direct correlation between the height and the amount of fear felt. For me though, I get a bit off edge (no pun intended) at a certain height and over, and it's the same level of fear whether it is 15ft or 100ft. It is also non existent when there is a wall or some sort of proper barrier. When there is only a flimsy handrail however, that's when it gets me. Here's why: I am so incredibly clumsy. When there isn't much to stop me breaking my neck on the ground below when I accidentally trip over my own foot for the seventeenth time that day I get a bit scared, only because it can feel frighteningly likely.

Needles. This isn't really a silly one. I had a severe allergic reaction to an injection when I was 12 and I was rushed to hospital. I was told later that it was a close one; if I had left it much longer before going to the nurse they think my airways would have blocked entirely before I even got to the hospital. I've been told this could happen again so naturally I'm pretty wary of needles coming towards me. Unfortunately it extends to all needles because while I was in the hospital I got poked and prodded with so many different needles that hurt quite a lot. They couldn't find a vein anywhere in either of my arms or hands which left me pretty black and blue with them looking. I like to think of this as my irrational-but-actually-rational fear.

Mostly though, I think I'm a pretty fearless person. I have lots of things that I don't like, and many things that make me feel uncomfortable, but very rarely do these cross over to fears. I don't mean that I am really fearless; if I was being attacked by a shark I would scream and panic just as much as anyone. I mean it more like the fear of a shark attack wouldn't stop me from going in the sea. Things like that don't even occur to me for the most part.

I'm not really even afraid to lose people or any of the really common ones like that. I don't want them to go or to die or course, but I think I'm just realistic that at some point that will happen and I should make the most of these people while I can. I think sometimes fear can hinder that. Although I don't think fear is necessarily unhealthy,  I don't think it should stop you from doing the things you need or want to do.

No comments:

Post a Comment